so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
