I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize