11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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