Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
