Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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