I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
