Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
