nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
