tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
