So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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