I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
