my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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