A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
