They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
