so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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