yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Randomize
