Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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