Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
