my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
