when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
