i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
