can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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