Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize
