can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The adults are the big ones right?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
