I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
