grandma shit on top of the toilet
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
