Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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