guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
