I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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