ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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