got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
