She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
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I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
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My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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