She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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