I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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