you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
