all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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