Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I will die if light touches me.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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