He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
They took my balls.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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