So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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