I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She even gives head with a lisp.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
