True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I need water and some morals
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
