The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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