i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
