I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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