I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
