i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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