saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
