I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
