you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
