I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
