he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
