Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
