if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
