Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
