dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
