I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
