have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
