just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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