My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
