when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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