how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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