you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
