I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
