one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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