i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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