And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
