I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
