you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
