I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
