I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
