the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
