Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize