Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
