.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
